Friday, December 21, 2012

Sierra Leone Political Update: President Koroma in A Pickle.

Obai in A Pickle
President Ernest Bai Koroma of Sierra Leone is in a pickle. In a country renowned for support for reward, many ambitious individuals threw their weight behind the president in the just concluded national elections in the country and they are all sitting now with bated breath, anxiously waiting for their own individual share of the national pie.  Some busy hurrying to Juju men, Guinea Marabouts and local 419 con men in a bid to use mystical means to get poor EBK's mind so confused, that at anytime he sees them all he thinks about will be, "what a great minister this will be!"

The Djelliba wing of the journalistic brigade is in a frenzy, Gibril Gbanabom Koroma in Canada has all but practically begged for the president's recognition, using his Patriotic Vanguard online blog to even go as far as explaining his uninspiring autobiography. How he was a wayward truant as a child running round society bushes in his village of Yonibana. He was lucky to have had his butt dragged to Freetown and had wanted to attend the President's school at Magburaka Boys but his headmaster had made him attend Albert Academy. He was now advocating for the president to reject Kabbs Kanu's rebranding in favor of his own journalistic political "lay belleh"philosophy. Kabbs Kanu though is definitely not one to sit down quietly and let somebody threaten his gravy train. In a Cocorioko classic dubbed the "Fable of the Palace Dogs" or some other title, Kabbs Kanu wrote that that they had been and were Ernest Koroma's palace dogs who had loyallly protected their master by barking continuously and loudest thoughout. Gbanabome was an outside dog who had not been a consistent barker and now wants the master to forsake the palace dogs for him. In essence Kabbs Kanu was sure the King was not going to reject the palace dogs for an Okuru dog.
PV's Gbanabom koroma
Who let the Dogs out?

Valley of The shadow of Death
Not to be outdone, the same week, Sylvia Blyden declared for the APC and has now become Ernest Koroma's self appointed publicity secretary, working overtime to outdo Kabba Kanu, Kawusu Conteh's son of the fountain of honor lines and Mohamed "one drop" Sankoh of the Rwandan style journalism fame. Poor Ernest John Leigh wakes up each day checking if he had a missed call from Victor Foh, before he kneels down to pray with a pillow of Ernest Bai Koroma in his bible, in the pages of the Book of Psalms, near Psalm 23, "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death", APC edition.

All these traditional APC loyalists, SLPP-APC converts, Journalists turned politicians, Okurus trying to be palace dogs, former opposition presidential flag-bearers turned Bai Koroma griots, have one thing in common. They all want some post for their support. There is just one problem; "too many DJs, not enough Microphones"

Many of these influential men and women, some of who had presidential ambitions of their own, have egos so big, that the post of a deputy minister would seem like an insult to them and an ambassadorial post to Cambodia would seem like an outright affront to their pride and dignity. Everybody wants to be a cardinal, nobody wants to be a deacon. President Koroma is now caught between the rock and the hard place, in a jam, in a pickle.

With not enough ministries to go around, some people are surely going to be disappointed. Some marabouts are definitely going to be asked for refunds and some chickens are going to be slaughtered for naught.

Since EBK cannot satisfy all his ambitious men and women, here is a list of suggestions that could save our poor president some headache:
1. Tell some of these folks that they will be first in line after a future cabinet reshuffle.
2. Change your cellphone number and do not give it out to some of these folks
3. Put all the names in a box and draw them out at random or have them draw it themselves
4. Give some of them scholarships to go for further studies
5. Remind some of these folks about the nasty things they used to say and write about you and tell them to write a 500 page letter apologizing.
6. Put them in charge of campaign committees for 2017
7. Tell them to wait for the next Mayan Apocalypse.

1 comment:

SanTigi B. said...

There is just one problem; "too many DJs, not enough Microphones"

I like this phrase thank you.